Money

a lot of people are having a hard time right now
i see it on the streets
and on the socials
and within CAL

i’m always hesitant to talk about money
but fuck that
i’ve done well
i’ve gone broke twice
at first when the company started
everything was cashed in and spent
even my sons education funds
and then again during the pandemic
i paid musicians
and while pride is indeed a sin
i am proud of that moment in time

i’ve got enough now
and i want everyone to know
that when you buy a ticket
it goes into the musicians pockets
i take my salary
and we float some cash in the corporate bank account
but i’m not interested in anything else material in my life
or accumulating wealth

the reason that musicians stay with me for as long as they do
isn’t because of who i am as a man
it’s because i pay them well
they’ve spent a lifetime getting their artistry together
and they need to be rewarded properly
so please know
that when you buy a ticket
you are making a difference
and man
that feels good
that is the meaning of life

all of our merch money goes to the cancer society
and soon  i’m going to be auctioning off my artwork
with all the proceeds going to the cancer society

we all talk about AI
if your job can be replaced with a computer
it will be
that is the way forward for society
our children will forge a life based on their individuality
(a side note - i really believe that if your kid wants to be an influencer
that is a viable option now!)
but AI will never give the rush of a concert
that’s why i believe
that art will become even more valuable going forward

i’m sixty two
i’ve suffered tragedy
meaning and context are important now
depth
faith in something
being able to love
and be loved
sharing
friendship
sex
a good walk
a shot of jack
and sharing the success with people who have stood by me
for that past 20 years who have had my back
honest and good people
whose one directive is to make the show perfect
so you feel good

in 2024 there is a new door
and that door
leads to optimism
don’t let the bastards grind you down
open the door tonight
and walk through it
find the path and stay on it
we’ll help with the soundtrack


craig

.






 

Dead Babies

had to have a talk with the boy 

about the middle east

I've got a sliver of experience with both sides of the coin

in the early 90s

i lived in dubai for 3 months

the constant call to prayer

was a reminder

that things were different here

daily

i would walk through the city

always passing mosques

outside would be shoes and wallets and items

all left unattended on the streets

no one would ever think of taking anything

because it wasn’t theirs

i liked this

i soon started weaving into the groove

the other cats in the band were hitched to other whitey whitersons

but i bonded with people who were nothing like me

a funny aside

there wasn’t much for entertainment

so i asked a friend to send some vhs tapes with movies

one of them was the rocky horror picture show

we put it on the in-house system

and the staff went wild

they’d never seen anything like this

susan sarandon writhing about singing touch me in a brasier 

i could have been arrested

so instead I opted for episodes of moonlighting

ultimately 

i ended up spending a lot of time

with a muslim family

they had two young boys

i would take them to the persian gulf

and spend days throwing them off of my shoulders and into the sea

other times we trekked into the desert on land rovers

and saw things you only see on national geographic

my time in the middle east comprises much of the man I have become

i liked it there

a lot

when i returned to toronto

the family all came to visit

i remember the boys standing outside in the rain 

with outstretched arms 

trying to absorb as many raindrops as possible

i ended up reading bits of the quaran

i can’t remember much 

except that god is love

i liked that 

i have been in relationships with 3 jewish women

for a while

i had an all access pass to all things jewish

I consider myself fortunate to have had this experience

for the record there's no real secret to expose here

just families hanging out

I loved each of the women deeply

I was made to feel welcome

and loved

another funny aside

a lot of people think that I'm jewish

(my mother would say we're anglican)

when we used to sell merch at the show

my son Lucas would man the booth

one cat came up to my son

and said you're dad's a good jew - a mensch 

my son said we're not jewish

and the cat started arguing with him!

perhaps I was jewish

but only by insertion

the jews and muslims have got family locked down

they know how to do it

i had a very loving and supportive upbringing

i know this may be the exception not the rule

but my experience with both the muslims

and the jews 

mirrored much of what i experienced growing up

so what?

so 

i think that anytime a baby dies

a bad decision has been made

no justification rings right

and i’m not alone in this thinking

if you go deep on the socials

you’ll see that the posts that get the love the mostest

are dogs 

and overcoming adversity

and funny shit

and babies

so here’s my thing

war is never going to end

us humans kill each other

it’s what we do

but no one wants dead babies

so keep killing

kill in the name of religion and tribal land claims

and idealogy

but anytime a baby dies

both sides have to enact a 30 day ceasefire

and be sad because a baby died

and it must be realized

that the baby that died was a martyr for both sides

people just want to spend time with their families

and have a nice family dinner once a week 

is a good thing for the world

this is all i got

i know that no one will read this

or act on it

but when i watch the news

i get upset

the controlling part of my nature wants to fix thing

perhaps this is a character fault

but so what

this is the take that i told my son

keep on killing if you must

draw your thin red lines on maps

just don’t kill babies

craig martin

dec 10 23

makers mark - airport lounge

 the 11th month

christ

i’m all fucked up

i miss my son lucas 

it’s almost been eight years

and the hole is sucking in 

much of my will to at least try and be content

fear not i tell myself

i insist on living as glorious life as possible

but the years play tricks on me

there is no rationale to be taken from the grief

i thought i was past this

i thought time would smooth

i’ve never been more wrong

i tried shrinks

but the task at hand proved too great for them

the dire pointlessness of their sorrowful ears

couldn’t be articulated

thus 

the same old versions echoed

‘how does that make you feel?’

paper tigers with academic validation

the real world is fire

the crippling begins with lucas’ beginning

i was the first one to clean him

and in the end

when he was home in my care

i was the last one to clean him

this is one of the mind darts that stings with precision

i don’t retreat to music or art in these moments

i leave the house

sometimes the city

sometimes the country

i bravely run away

hollow eyed and hearted

i put on my mask and have weightless conversations

with old friends

shopkeepers

and bartenders

never letting on that the grey tarp above the black dog

is drooping 

fucking november

the worst month of the year

even before luke’s passing

i hated november

the only thing it ever gave me

was the will to quit smoking

other than that 

november remains the most isolated month

i would smoke right now

just to spite the 11th month

perhaps i’ll choose never to say it’s name again instead

i like caring for my mum

she’s close

she gets rubs and pets and kisses from me

and i feel like we’re both rewarded 

that’s the love i’m capable of right now

divine is patient and thankfully wrapped up in production

still 

she’s too smart for my phoniness 

she gives me space

and she in turn is affectionate 

mostly patient

and that’s a good thing

i blend into my company

taking on tasks and annoying my staff with my suggestions

and a squirrel like attention span

i know there’s still a few nuts buried in my garden

i’ll find them and grow them

i have never lost vision

or passion

or context

but i’ve lost so much more

my wife - susan - we’re still married

(divorce is pointless)

i know she sinks towards the abyss

she has little to do with me

stray conversations and quick texts

we’re the only ones who know

our sorrow mirrored

who wants to be around that?

i’m glad she’s mostly with jackson

all of his strength of character should be credited to her

i’m the wanderer

he gets that from me

tonight i lied to divine

i told her that i was going to the show in kitchener

and i pretended i was

but deep down i knew that i was going to make dinner

drink half a bottle of wine 

and hit the couch

what i didn’t plan on 

was this blog 

it’s strange

but feels good to get this out

i am well aware that no one will read this

i think that’s the point

craig martin

nov 23, 2023

cheese pasta with olives and red wine

the socials

 i quite like the socials

i’m on all of them

i’ve stopped watching tv

i’ve stopped listening to radio

it’s all about the socials for me

my attention span has indeed shrunk

and yet i’ve been far more effective with business and life in general

most importantly

i like the connection

there’s a bunch of donuts

and we send each other all kinds of shit

it started off inappropriate and funny

and now it’s morphed into meaningful memes

all about positivity 

we’re connected in a meaningful way

the socials renew my faith in humanity 

especially the funny ones

think about the work involved:

you have to conceptualize

then film it edit it post it share it repeat

all for what?

i’ll tell you what - it’s to make people laugh

that’s upside 

sure there’s some commerce 

but mostly people are going to a lot of trouble

to make us laugh

well done i say

i visit my local market daily

i buy what i want for a 24 hour period

i waste nothing

and with that comes a different kind of social

the fleeting moments of daily human contact

a familiarity 

chit chats

during the pandemic

it was this kind of social that cemented me to cabbagetown

of course the shows

are the best socials

the musicians are a tight squad

and please know

that we truly a feel a connection with everyone 

the importance of the shows

intensifies with each passing year

we’re all relying upon one and other

it certainly feels social for anyone who attends live music

will hare has given up music!

everyone is freaking out

will says that it’s time for something new

and he’s making a clean break and selling all of his gear

simple dimple

there’s no bad blood anywhere

in fact will is the bravest man i know

it will be exciting to watch what he left turns into

still

everyone is freaking out

but not me

time passes 

things change

stay social san diego 

craig

nov. 14 / 23

red wine and bone broth stew

massey hall

 massey hall the greatest venue in canada

it’s the kind of place that can change you

tonight we sold it out

and the musicians were glorious

we’re closing in on a eighty shows at the hall

there’s a feeling of community here

the techs

the staff

everyone is familiar 

i like that

seven years ago

just after my son passed

massey hall reached out and asked me

if i wanted a couple tickets to see louis ck

he was doing a pop up show

they figured i could use a laugh

they were right

when i got there

a couple of the staff came up and hugged me

i can’t even type this without welling up

but in that moment

i felt 

home

november is the cruelest month

if you’ve got an inkling of bad vibes

november will take them

supercharge them

and then cannon-fire them back at you

to see what you’re made of

the grey weather

the grey clothing

the grey heart

it can pull you down

i live in cabbagetown

a 20 minute quick walk from the hall

i always walk home after the shows

as i stepped outside the stage door

the cold rain surged and needled down on me

a lone cab parked with his fare ready light lit

I walked past

and beat on

and as i walked

and froze

and stung

i confronted the black dog barking inside of me

the circle of my life

the fleeting faces 

the cowards and the malcontents

the glory seekers and the vain

i am all these people

and i am none of these people

i beat on

up jarvis

the naysayers

the apathetic

the greedy 

the cut of the weather

pounding on a 62 year old man

i am all of these things

and i am none of these things

finally on carlton

i realized that

i need to be more like divine

she gets a task

and she makes it her entire world

she goes all in 

and it’ glorious to watch

i need to get back to that

i need to go all in again like i did 20 years ago

profound change

revitalizing change

invest in a future

i beat on

i hired good capable people to run my company

i reasoned that it gave me more time to paint

but as the rain sliced into me

as the cold bit me

as the wet seeped into me

i knew my resolution was to call nick and cynthia

book a lunch

and start aggressively planning 

for another 20 years

I've given so much

a son

a marriage

cancer

a relationship

and then another relationship

and then another relationship

all of it in wake of my company

I felt like lieutenant dan up in the crows nest

yelling at god

my original vision came to fruition

now i have to ensure it’s resounding future

- get government funding

and establish ourselves as an orchestra

- hire more musicians and get them on the road

where they can remind people of just how great these albums are

- and promotion! constant content creation is my new favorite term - lots of interaction on all the socials - lots of musicians directly connecting with fans via videos and chats etc

i am forward thinking again

that’s what an evening at massey hall can do

awaken you

inspire you

pull you out of the rain

and warm you with reminders of who you are

i am alive 

craig 

homemade sheppards pie

coppola red wine

.

in dreams

 i’ve been polling the musicians

it turns out we all have variations of the same dream

all centered around a CAL gig

and all of the dreams are chaotic

my dream involves never being able to make to the stage

and if by chance i get there

i’m not prepared

or the gear is not working

or it’s a band of strangers

and everything is impossible

versions of this dream 

with all the other musicians is rampant

and i think that speaks to commitment 

we’re obsessed with getting things right

so much so that often - our worst nightmares manifest in dreams

and they’re the opposite of what’s expected

of course there’s a part of me that thinks 

this warrants a case study

that we should all check into a dream institution

and wire in together 

and create our own matrix

here we help each other through the 

subliminal quagmire of disrepair

you can also find hints of this self unrelience 

in our post show backstage discussions

we’re quick to hone in on the one bad note or missed cue

rather than the overall glory of a joyous performance

this also speaks to professionalism

we’re incredibly accountable to ourselves

this is a good thing

in the new year 

i’m going to be recruiting for new members

young musicians who want to do the hard work

and strive 

for a professional future as a full time player

i’m going to analyze their dreams 

once they’re plugged in

if they don’t have chaotic stress filled dreams 

about gigs going wrong

i’m going to wonder if they have what it takes

to go the distance

so here’s to the subconscious

and all of it’s unknown motivational ways

craig

nov. 28, 2022

(coffee and cookies)

nick walsh

 just back from our first show at canada’s national arts centre

nice to get paid in federal dollars

and be presented by the theatre as part of their programming

that means something

consequently

we brought our very very best

and did not disappoint

the band was on point 

natch

it all goes without saying

most of you have seen the CAL zep band

and know how passionate they are

there’s a reason i prioritize road work with them

they’re as much fun offstage as on

positive and kind loving musicians

of course nick walsh arrived early

and scoped everything out

introduced himself and starting making decisions

i arrived and butted in

telling nick that i just wanted him to be a singer tonight

he got it

nick and i push and pull each other 

it’s healthy and i like the way he asserts himself with me

it denotes a professionalism

and more importantly

a friendship

so

he became the singer last night

and i stood in awe of the near young lion

roaring and commanding the show

the work of an absolute master

again - i’ve said this about bobby

that the scene in the avengers movies

when faced with impeding doom

when iron man says ‘we have a hulk’

well

when i hear about about lesser bands

taking on full albums

i laugh and say

‘we have a nick walsh’

christ i’m a snob

craig martin

nov 13, 2022

ipa and eggs benedict