Twenty Five

and we’re off

for many of us

24 was a rough year

the loss of my son seemed 

sadder this year

i put on a brave face

a mask

however there really is something to be said for

maintaining a positive mental attitude

i really buy into the day

that said

on monday

i couldn’t get out of bed

…but i did

my company is doing well

i’ve surrounded myself with good people

we bring out the best in each other

that gives me spirit

and a confidence about going into the uk

essentially

i’m buying my way in

once the dice roll our way

they superglue to the table

and everything is coming up zeppy!

a strange christmas table conversation with some musicians

apparently we all dream about being at CAL gigs

and everything is going wrong

we don’t know the music

we can’t make our way to the stage

it’s a nightmare

i discern this to be good for the series

we can never rest on our laurels

i’m excited about the next exile show

the massey show was rough

i had covid

i woke up and felt it in the back of my throat

fuck

did the gig 

it’s a massive thing to cancel a show

some of the rasp leant well to some songs

on others i was scraping the barrel 

anyway

redemption is close

i’ve had lots of vistors by the house 

turns out

people want to talk about religion

and beliefs

i think they open up

because i wear a cross

i dunno

i just listen

i tell them that growing up 

marvel comics were a big part of my moral foundation

then it was springsteen

now i really enjoy bible stories

the one where jesus is turning over the money tables

that’s superhero stuff

anyway

that’s all i’ll say about that

my son is coming home in a couple weeks

the word freedom has meaning for him

as it does for many of us

it’s nice to see a young person embracing it

without adhereing a self defeating ideology to it

i like my son

a lot of people don’t realize

that i’m still married

to susan

we’ve been through a lot

so both have a zero bullshit tolerance level

there was no point in getting divorced

making lawyers rich

fuck that

i will continue to do anything and everything for her

we’re just incompatible 

it’s mostly my fault 

and my family is going to get smaller soon

my mum turned ninety three

she's so frail

immobile 

but still full of love kindness and grace

I'm very affectionate with her

and I always take the time to tell her that 

I love her

and that’s all of muy shit layed out bare

i want to be clean going into 25

the best i can be 

so that good people can continue to rely on me

for a good wage

on beautiful stages

in front of caring audiences

peace and prosperity 

for 25

craig

(branflakes with maple syrup)

.

Money

a lot of people are having a hard time right now
i see it on the streets
and on the socials
and within CAL

i’m always hesitant to talk about money
but fuck that
i’ve done well
i’ve gone broke twice
at first when the company started
everything was cashed in and spent
even my sons education funds
and then again during the pandemic
i paid musicians
and while pride is indeed a sin
i am proud of that moment in time

i’ve got enough now
and i want everyone to know
that when you buy a ticket
it goes into the musicians pockets
i take my salary
and we float some cash in the corporate bank account
but i’m not interested in anything else material in my life
or accumulating wealth

the reason that musicians stay with me for as long as they do
isn’t because of who i am as a man
it’s because i pay them well
they’ve spent a lifetime getting their artistry together
and they need to be rewarded properly
so please know
that when you buy a ticket
you are making a difference
and man
that feels good
that is the meaning of life

all of our merch money goes to the cancer society
and soon  i’m going to be auctioning off my artwork
with all the proceeds going to the cancer society

we all talk about AI
if your job can be replaced with a computer
it will be
that is the way forward for society
our children will forge a life based on their individuality
(a side note - i really believe that if your kid wants to be an influencer
that is a viable option now!)
but AI will never give the rush of a concert
that’s why i believe
that art will become even more valuable going forward

i’m sixty two
i’ve suffered tragedy
meaning and context are important now
depth
faith in something
being able to love
and be loved
sharing
friendship
sex
a good walk
a shot of jack
and sharing the success with people who have stood by me
for that past 20 years who have had my back
honest and good people
whose one directive is to make the show perfect
so you feel good

in 2024 there is a new door
and that door
leads to optimism
don’t let the bastards grind you down
open the door tonight
and walk through it
find the path and stay on it
we’ll help with the soundtrack


craig

.






 

Dead Babies

had to have a talk with the boy 

about the middle east

I've got a sliver of experience with both sides of the coin

in the early 90s

i lived in dubai for 3 months

the constant call to prayer

was a reminder

that things were different here

daily

i would walk through the city

always passing mosques

outside would be shoes and wallets and items

all left unattended on the streets

no one would ever think of taking anything

because it wasn’t theirs

i liked this

i soon started weaving into the groove

the other cats in the band were hitched to other whitey whitersons

but i bonded with people who were nothing like me

a funny aside

there wasn’t much for entertainment

so i asked a friend to send some vhs tapes with movies

one of them was the rocky horror picture show

we put it on the in-house system

and the staff went wild

they’d never seen anything like this

susan sarandon writhing about singing touch me in a brasier 

i could have been arrested

so instead I opted for episodes of moonlighting

ultimately 

i ended up spending a lot of time

with a muslim family

they had two young boys

i would take them to the persian gulf

and spend days throwing them off of my shoulders and into the sea

other times we trekked into the desert on land rovers

and saw things you only see on national geographic

my time in the middle east comprises much of the man I have become

i liked it there

a lot

when i returned to toronto

the family all came to visit

i remember the boys standing outside in the rain 

with outstretched arms 

trying to absorb as many raindrops as possible

i ended up reading bits of the quaran

i can’t remember much 

except that god is love

i liked that 

i have been in relationships with 3 jewish women

for a while

i had an all access pass to all things jewish

I consider myself fortunate to have had this experience

for the record there's no real secret to expose here

just families hanging out

I loved each of the women deeply

I was made to feel welcome

and loved

another funny aside

a lot of people think that I'm jewish

(my mother would say we're anglican)

when we used to sell merch at the show

my son Lucas would man the booth

one cat came up to my son

and said you're dad's a good jew - a mensch 

my son said we're not jewish

and the cat started arguing with him!

perhaps I was jewish

but only by insertion

the jews and muslims have got family locked down

they know how to do it

i had a very loving and supportive upbringing

i know this may be the exception not the rule

but my experience with both the muslims

and the jews 

mirrored much of what i experienced growing up

so what?

so 

i think that anytime a baby dies

a bad decision has been made

no justification rings right

and i’m not alone in this thinking

if you go deep on the socials

you’ll see that the posts that get the love the mostest

are dogs 

and overcoming adversity

and funny shit

and babies

so here’s my thing

war is never going to end

us humans kill each other

it’s what we do

but no one wants dead babies

so keep killing

kill in the name of religion and tribal land claims

and idealogy

but anytime a baby dies

both sides have to enact a 30 day ceasefire

and be sad because a baby died

and it must be realized

that the baby that died was a martyr for both sides

people just want to spend time with their families

and have a nice family dinner once a week 

is a good thing for the world

this is all i got

i know that no one will read this

or act on it

but when i watch the news

i get upset

the controlling part of my nature wants to fix thing

perhaps this is a character fault

but so what

this is the take that i told my son

keep on killing if you must

draw your thin red lines on maps

just don’t kill babies

craig martin

dec 10 23

makers mark - airport lounge

 the 11th month

christ

i’m all fucked up

i miss my son lucas 

it’s almost been eight years

and the hole is sucking in 

much of my will to at least try and be content

fear not i tell myself

i insist on living as glorious life as possible

but the years play tricks on me

there is no rationale to be taken from the grief

i thought i was past this

i thought time would smooth

i’ve never been more wrong

i tried shrinks

but the task at hand proved too great for them

the dire pointlessness of their sorrowful ears

couldn’t be articulated

thus 

the same old versions echoed

‘how does that make you feel?’

paper tigers with academic validation

the real world is fire

the crippling begins with lucas’ beginning

i was the first one to clean him

and in the end

when he was home in my care

i was the last one to clean him

this is one of the mind darts that stings with precision

i don’t retreat to music or art in these moments

i leave the house

sometimes the city

sometimes the country

i bravely run away

hollow eyed and hearted

i put on my mask and have weightless conversations

with old friends

shopkeepers

and bartenders

never letting on that the grey tarp above the black dog

is drooping 

fucking november

the worst month of the year

even before luke’s passing

i hated november

the only thing it ever gave me

was the will to quit smoking

other than that 

november remains the most isolated month

i would smoke right now

just to spite the 11th month

perhaps i’ll choose never to say it’s name again instead

i like caring for my mum

she’s close

she gets rubs and pets and kisses from me

and i feel like we’re both rewarded 

that’s the love i’m capable of right now

divine is patient and thankfully wrapped up in production

still 

she’s too smart for my phoniness 

she gives me space

and she in turn is affectionate 

mostly patient

and that’s a good thing

i blend into my company

taking on tasks and annoying my staff with my suggestions

and a squirrel like attention span

i know there’s still a few nuts buried in my garden

i’ll find them and grow them

i have never lost vision

or passion

or context

but i’ve lost so much more

my wife - susan - we’re still married

(divorce is pointless)

i know she sinks towards the abyss

she has little to do with me

stray conversations and quick texts

we’re the only ones who know

our sorrow mirrored

who wants to be around that?

i’m glad she’s mostly with jackson

all of his strength of character should be credited to her

i’m the wanderer

he gets that from me

tonight i lied to divine

i told her that i was going to the show in kitchener

and i pretended i was

but deep down i knew that i was going to make dinner

drink half a bottle of wine 

and hit the couch

what i didn’t plan on 

was this blog 

it’s strange

but feels good to get this out

i am well aware that no one will read this

i think that’s the point

craig martin

nov 23, 2023

cheese pasta with olives and red wine

the socials

 i quite like the socials

i’m on all of them

i’ve stopped watching tv

i’ve stopped listening to radio

it’s all about the socials for me

my attention span has indeed shrunk

and yet i’ve been far more effective with business and life in general

most importantly

i like the connection

there’s a bunch of donuts

and we send each other all kinds of shit

it started off inappropriate and funny

and now it’s morphed into meaningful memes

all about positivity 

we’re connected in a meaningful way

the socials renew my faith in humanity 

especially the funny ones

think about the work involved:

you have to conceptualize

then film it edit it post it share it repeat

all for what?

i’ll tell you what - it’s to make people laugh

that’s upside 

sure there’s some commerce 

but mostly people are going to a lot of trouble

to make us laugh

well done i say

i visit my local market daily

i buy what i want for a 24 hour period

i waste nothing

and with that comes a different kind of social

the fleeting moments of daily human contact

a familiarity 

chit chats

during the pandemic

it was this kind of social that cemented me to cabbagetown

of course the shows

are the best socials

the musicians are a tight squad

and please know

that we truly a feel a connection with everyone 

the importance of the shows

intensifies with each passing year

we’re all relying upon one and other

it certainly feels social for anyone who attends live music

will hare has given up music!

everyone is freaking out

will says that it’s time for something new

and he’s making a clean break and selling all of his gear

simple dimple

there’s no bad blood anywhere

in fact will is the bravest man i know

it will be exciting to watch what he left turns into

still

everyone is freaking out

but not me

time passes 

things change

stay social san diego 

craig

nov. 14 / 23

red wine and bone broth stew