Fathers

 Fathers

rock n roll is the story of bad fathers

gone

drunk 

high 

missing

it was the price of art

young men mostly

getting rich

famous

and adored

plugged into the gravy train

and leaving a string of inconvenient children behind

time passed

and things changed

and as soon as their 40s kicked in

most of them became prodigal fathers

and invested in their kids lives

better late than never indeed

that said

some of them were better off staying away

for all you attentive dads

think of the mind set of your child if you weren’t around

i can’t fathom it

my saving grace as a father was that i showed up

warts and all

i kept showing up

and i’m lucky to have a circle of friends who do the same

show up

here’s your parents

we’re messy 

but we're here

lately i’ve been getting peace of mind 

by calling my friends 

and talking to them about choices i’m making with my son jackson

it’s somewhat of an informal mens group

where we speak with iron about our short comings

and occasional successes

it’s amazing how open we are

the stereo type denotes a tight lipped / keep it all inside kind of manly attitude

this couldn’t be further from the truth

hollywood has missed the mark on what it means to be a father

we’re no longer concerned with your dictating morals and personalities

we’re critical thinkers with compassion and somewhat verbose musings

i’m glad for this

i know of some estranged fathers

i have to be careful with this

having lost a son

i am unable to comprehend a scenario where you are not in contact with a child

who cares who did what

i would reach out no matter the circumstances

that said 

if you’re the cab driver i railed at a couple years ago

i apologize

i should mind my own business

when i was a young man of 20

i was with a woman

and we terminated a pregnancy

i was too young to understand the full impact of this

but i think about it almost everyday

and how different my life would be now

so when i say i’m pro life and pro choice

i mean it

these are changing times

and it takes a flexible mind to navigate through

being a father is the ultimate expression of love

it’s not for everyone

thankfully

there are people i salute for not having added to the population

my father could catch fish in puddles

i’m good at bringing people together

just do what you’re good at

and do no harm

show up

and stay open to love

jackson’s readying the canoes

the lake is glass

the sun is strong

and i’m alive 

craig

coffee and peanuts in the shell

Cocoa Beach

Cocoa Beach

it's beautiful here

lemon sunlight and 

slow breezes

i had coffee in bed for the first time in a year

that was nice

then i checked the socials to discover

it’s shain’s and bobby’s birthday

two good men

with soulful fingers

and ears tuned to satellites 

i posted about shain being with CAL since the 70s

and everyone started messaging me about my math and how that doesn’t add up

i realized that people don’t get me

or my sense of humour

that ripples into other parts of my life

i’ve been spending a lot of time with eric and his wife cindy

eric has all these fantastic stories about growing up in this unique part of america

i’m going to steal them and write a story!

he’s okay with that

cindy asked me if i had screamed at the ocean lately

so this morning i swam out far

and raged a bit

where’s my son?

why?

salty tears and a return to the beach

cocoa beach is frill free

families come here to lounge in the sand

and play in the surf

kids everywhere

from all the different soups

it’s beautiful

and it works

some old guy on one of those fat tired bikes blasting a jeff beck cut from blow by blow

balls going missing

hovering birds

i don’t want to leave

then a rocket launch

just a couple miles away

a spark of brilliant orange and yellow

thunder

someone is going to space 

the best we can do

the summit of our humanity

having nasa so close is 

affirming 

human beings are going to be okay

tomorrow i travel south to vero

and then to the keys 

where i’ll be playing guitar on the CCR show

outdoors

i’m unsure of when i’ll return to toronto

jackson’s with a new puppy

ian’s at the house creating

my mum is cared for

i’m starting to feel the string unwind

time to spin free

craig

april 7, 2021

starbucks coffee and scone

Reflections On the Past Year

 Reflections on the Past Year

1. My internal voice has turned into a press conference. I envision a panel asking me if having a smoothie for dinner is a wise choice?

2. I’m good enough on piano now to play with a heavily drinking bar band that performs to people who are also drinking heavily.

3. The vaccination was painless. I felt euphoric afterwards - so much so that I’m flying away on 

Monday. But I’m going to treat the world like I have not had a vaccination. Dez experienced a tinge of lethargy after his vaccination but I put that down to his being exponentially older than I am.

4. CAL has been powering through. After launching concerts off my front lawn we were able to make the jump to the Empire in Belleville and stream 20+ shows from there. Mark Rashotte and I have the best partnership I’ve ever encountered. Nothing signed. No long winded conversations. In fact, here’s a little inside scoop: this summer we’re performing at a drive-in in Toronto, very close to water with a very large esteemed symphony orchestra from Toronto. I wanted to make sure that everyone who attends has a clear view of the orchestra so I called Mark: 

Me: Any chance your guys would like to help us out broadcasting a performance onto a drive-ins screens?

Mark: Absolutely!

Me: Great.

And that was it. This is the way the world should work.

5. Plain organic yogurt. Fresh orange pieces. Blueberries. Squished nuts. Crumbled oat cookie. Maple syrup. Mix. Call me and thank me.

6. ‘Call Of the Wild’ is the best movie available for you to watch tonight. 

7. I think the Grammy’s proved that celebrity culture and worship is not only dead but vapid. I realize that I’m no longer being marketed to, but it feels like celebrity entitlement is on the downslope. Health care workers and those on the frontlines are worthy of our thanks, adoration and love. Next time you’re going to buy a product slammed down your throat by a so called influencer, spend that money on a coffee gift card and drop it by your local healthcare unit. (it feels good to do this). Need more proof? Next time a celebrity is speaking, listen for how many sentences start with “I”. Next time a health care worker is speaking listen for how many sentences start with “we”.

8. I’m at the age where I’ve noticed that many people who continually do a lot of exercise that puts stress on their body are having pain. Entropy is creeping in. Walking is nice. Some gentle stretches. Light weights. Don’t hurt yourself. And don’t push it if you’re over 50. So many people are chiming in with exercise related ailments. I’m no expert but there seems to be cause and effect within this tiny study of mine.

9. I should be bald. Balder. The one thing I liked about Trump was his combover. He had that shit down. I aspire to that kind of art. But man, all this time in the house has really shone a light on how much hair I shed. I’m a mess of a man.

10. CAL is more than a concert series. It’s a social gathering. I miss the musicians so much. And I miss watching the crowd from the back of the room. The bobbing heads. The hands clapping. The smiles on people leaving the theatre. The feeling of being in a room together and experiencing the greatest music ever documented. I recently gave a lecture for UCF and the students asked ‘why wouldn’t we just stay home and listen to the album?” A valid question. I rationed with that thinking there would be no reason to not visit art galleries or vistas or architecture or cinemas. The communal feeling - this is he current that our lives need to feel connected. And isn’t that the point of it all?

I send love to everyone’s family.

Craig

Plain organic yogurt. Fresh orange pieces. Blueberries. Squished nuts. Crumbled oat cookie. Maple syrup.

March 2021