Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Classic Rock is the New Classical

i've got dazed and confused wailing through my speakers
there is no difference in depth and meaning
between this song
and beethoven's fifth symphony
in fact it blows the fifth symphony back to the eighth position

classic rock is the new classical music
it's enduring
and selling
and more important
than any other music ever made

if keith moon ever met mozart
they'd get drunk
and then moonie would blow the frilly cuffs off mozart
with drum fills

bruce springsteen is a better poet that keats yeats or frost

david gilmore has a truer connection to the planets that holst

robert plant could've taken pavarotti in an arm wrestle

orchestras are losing funding
seats in symphony halls are not filling
styx outsells bach

they did an extensive study
they went to great lengths to find out who's listening to
and buying
traditional classical music
here's the answer:

janice snotwoggle (eels lane, wales)
lord leonard lickmore (earls court, london)
peter pzykaticunvyye (reykjavik, iceland)
michael white (toronto, ontario)
tippy titwiggle (perth, australia)
norman noseworthy (bismark, north dakota)

that's it!
6 people!
everyone else is listening to classic rock!

i keep trying to listen to jazz
but i never really listen
my attention derelict disorder kicks in
and i start day-dreaming about the next ac/dc CAL show

i listen to country music
but i never really listen
i find myself wandering into the tool shed to sharpen my axe

i listen to the music my kids are listening to
but i never really listen
instead i end up grounding them
and forcing them to listen to me lecture on the merits of the beatles
and how they saved the world

i listen to old music that old people like
but i never really listen
instead i get alarmed that it makes parts of my body shrivel
parts that i don't want to shrivel

classic rock is the new classical music
i know there's some purists out there
who would love to argue the point
they'd pull out charts
and cite historical references
and whatnot
but i don't give a damn
because that's rock 'n' roll

craig martin
october 31, 2012


  1. Whoa, hold on a minute - are you saying that there was actually music before the Beatles?!? Huh, who knew....

    Try as I might, I can't listen to jazz. That makes me a Neanderthal
    to some of my friends.

    Thanks for doing what you do. We'll see you at the Hard Rock Orlando on 12/29 (my birthday)!


  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.